Saturday, August 30, 2008

Our Date with Hockeywood...Second Visit

Buon Giorno. Welcome to the Waikiki Hockey Ristorante.

If this is your first visit to the Ristorante you may to want to look back to our first visit where we looked at our first six couples in our quest to determine who the most interesting hockeywood couple is.

On the menu at the Ristorante today are a few serial daters; some individuals seem to keep coming back for another kick at the hockeywood can.

Jared Stoll and Rachel Hunter – rumoured to be engaged.

Kiwi Model Rachel Hunter is best known for posing for Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition and marrying Rod Stewart. She posed for Playboy (seems like a lot of the hockeywood girls have) for $1.8 million dollars in 2004, which she just added to the $66 million pile she got from her divorce from Stewart. More recently, she’s been on a string of reality TV shows as she tries to hang on to her fame for just a few more years. Before she dated Stoll, Rachel dated agitator Sean Avery (see below), who was ten years younger than her. She managed to beat her record as Stoll is 12 years her junior. Here’s a five second video of their first meeting.

The couple is now engaged to be married (19 year-old Patrick Kane must have been taken) … not a bad year for the kid from Melville, Saskatchewan. Stoll’s best year in the NHL was a 68 point affair in 2005-06 but he has struggled to get back to that level over the past two seasons. He seems like a nice guy, but unlike his predecessor Avery, he gives a very boring cliché filled interview.

Dinner Potential – Since we’re a little younger than Stoll we would be worried about Rachel taking a crack at us during dinner … which would prove awkward with her fiancé sitting right there. If we did end up stealing away his soon to be wife, we imagine Stoll would say: “We wanted to come out strong and have a good entrée, but you gotta give Waikiki Hockey credit…they are a good young website who work hard. They beat me in the corners and that ended up hurting me”

Quality Quotient: 3 (her) + 3 (him) = 6 total

Sean Avery and Rachel Hunter – Dated for a year in 2004
Avery has the unique combination of being one of the most hated players in the league and a pretty boy. He can score the odd goal (33 points in 57 games in 2007-08) and get in the odd fight. You’re just as likely to see Avery drenched in blood as you are to see him on a catwalk … he even interned at Vogue this past summer. This guy is a tough one to figure out. He’s a bit of a starlet stud (or slut, depending on your perspective) as he’s been romantically connected to four young women in Hollywood (the other three are below).

Dinner Potential: Conversation with Hunter could be a bit tough. After we ask her “how did Rod Stewart get his hair to look like that?” we wouldn’t have much else to say. As for Avery … he’s an ass. We’re not denying that. But we think he would be an entertaining ass. Check out this exchange from his interview with Maxim magazine:

Maxim: Who’s the most overrated NHLer?
Avery: Shane Doan in Phoenix, for sure.
Maxim: He has more goals and assists than you, by the way.
Avery: He probably makes three million more than me, too. How many points does he have? I’m sure he doesn’t have that much more than me. He’s a whiner. A lot of the respect he gets is because he’s just a clean-cut guy. He seems like a real
yes-man to me.
Excellent … got to love a player that speaks his mind. If we can get him talking about his romantic exploits while his date goes to the washroom we could really get some good dirt.

Quality Quotient: 3 (her) + 6 (him) = 9 total

Sean Avery and Lake Bell - Hooked up a few times
We have a saying here at Waikiki Hockey: “Never trust a person with a noun for a name”….Lake Bell has two so she's starting off on the wrong foot with us. On the plus side, she is one of the up-and-coming stars in Hollywood. She has starred in TV shows like War Stories, Miss Match and most famously for her role as Sally Heep on Boston Legal. Her film work is highlighted by roles in What Happens in Vegas and Over Her Dead Body. She is also set to star alongside Edward Norton and Colin Farrell in the soon to be released Pride and Glory.

Dinner Potential: Unlike most of the stars on our list Lake Bell has at least some potential to be a big star one day. She is also been rumoured to be the girl that split up Mary Kate Olsen and Avery. Both of those have to count for something.

Quality Quotient: 4 (her) + 7 (him) = 11 total

Sean Avery and Mary Kate Olsen – dated in 2007
Mary Kate Olsen must have taken a tip from her former Full House co-star Candace Cameron (who we will be profiling in a future visit to the Ristorante) when she decided to start dating a hockey player ... too bad she picked Avery. Things didn’t work out as the couple broke up when Avery cheated on Olsen with Lake Bell. In one of our favourite rumours circulating the net, it's claimed that Justin Timberlake wrote the song “What Goes Around…Comes Around” with Avery in mind. How much of a dick do you have to be to get JT to think you’re a player? That is one of the best song inspirations since Full House’s Dave Coulier was rumoured to be the focus of Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” That’s right, two Full House references in one paragraph. Boo-Yah!

Hey Mary Kate Olsen: You’re one of the most famous people on the planet ... but guess what? We can’t name one thing you’ve done other than Full House. Unless of course you want to count being implicated in Heath Ledger's OD, but we're guessing you don't. Looking at her imdb page we see she has done a few TV guest spots and even an actual movie…for adults! We still don’t get why she is so famous, do people actually think she’s good looking? We should give her some credit though, appearing in some ‘real’ movies and her role on Weeds, means she is at least trying to be an actual actress.

Dinner Potential: We get the feeling that the ultra-skinny Mary Kate Olsen would be one of those people who would complain about how fat they are so they order a salad but then they don’t eat it and instead eat our fries. “Get your own damn fries lady!”

Quality Quotient: 2 (her) + 6 (him) = 8 total

Sean Avery and Elisha Cuthbert – dated in 2006 & 2007
In addition to his conquests above, Avery has also been romantically tied to fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and Calvin Klein’s ex-wife Kelly. They really aren’t Hollywood starlets and we’re getting sick of talking about Avery so we’ll ignore them. For Avery’s last appearance on this list we’ll look at his relationship with Canadian cutie Elisha Cuthbert.

Elisha is one of the most attractive females on the planet according to FHM and Maxim magazines. She had a small role in the movie Old School but she is best known for her role as Jack Bauer’s daughter Kim in the hugely successful TV show 24. She’s starred in a handful of movies that were panned by critics (like House of Wax alongside Paris Hilton), but has started to appear in a few films with more substance. Movies like The Girl Next Door (where she played a porn star) and especially He Was a Quiet Man (a hot, bitchy brunette in a wheelchair) were better received by some critics. Her next movie My Sassy Girl is a romantic comedy and it even has a hockey scene in it.

We have a bit of a soft spot for Cuthbert … not sure if it’s because she’s Canadian, she’s been in a Weezer video, or because she’s a big hockey fan. She's a King's season ticket holder and even wrote a blog for in 2006 ... pretty ordinary, but how many starlets on this list know who Joe Sakic is.

Dinner Potential: The down-to-earth Elisha would make an excellent dinner companion … we wouldn’t even need Avery’s antics to keep us entertained throughout the night.

Quality Quotient: 7 (her) + 6 (him) = 13 total

Mike Komisarek and Elisha Cuthbert – dated for a short time in 2007
Elisha was labelled a puck bunny (or worse) by many tabloids after she started dating Komisarek. Call us crazy but a girl who dates two hockey players in a row shouldn’t be thought ill of … it’s not like she’s the female version of Avery. Dating hockey players only makes Elisha more desirable in our books. It's definitely one way to get more youngsters to take up the sport.

Komisarek was a first round draft pick for the Canadiens in 2001. He has become one of the team’s most reliable defenders. He’s a big hitter and projects to be a good defensive defenseman in the NHL … which is illustrated by his 17 points in 75 games last year. He seems like a nice enough guy but defensive defensemen aren’t the most exciting players to watch. We think they also might make boring dinner companions.

Dinner Potential: Elisha is intriguing but when Avery is a better invite than you are, it’s not a good thing.

Quality Quotient: 7 (her) + 4 (him) = 11 total

Dion Phaneuf and Elisha Cuthbert – Currently Dating
Many people think Elisha comes across as pretty stupid, like in this Letterman interview. We here at Waikiki Hockey have delved a bit deeper and discovered there may be a bit more to young Miss Cuthbert. You see, she hosted the Canadian TV show Popular Mechanics for Kids from 1997-2000. During this time, she must have picked up a few facts or tidbits which would make a dinner conversation more interesting.

It’s unbelievable to see what the 23-year-old Phaneuf has accomplished in his first three NHL seasons. Aside from the 159 points he’s racked up he’s become one of the most feared players in the league. He’s known for bone crushing hits and will drop the gloves if needed as well. He doesn’t have much of a personality but we’ll overlook that because he’s so good.

We have high hopes this relationship will work out. In an interview he gave before he met Elisha he listed Old School as his favourite movie. The same Old School that co-starred Cuthbert. It's destiny.

Dinner Potential: Taking one of our favourite hollywood starlets and adding one of the best young NHL players makes for an interesting night out. Dion may be lacking a bit in personality but having dinner with a future Hall of Famer would more than make up for it. We can't get enough of Phaneuf.

Quality Quotient: 7 (her) + 8 (him) = 15 total

Still have another few visits to the Ristorante so make sure you keep coming back to Waikiki Hockey regularly to see the exciting conclusion to this complete waste of time.

Ready for our third installment? Click here and get ready for more gibberish.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Boom Goes The Dynamite...

We'll look at a classic YouTube today. Many of you have probably seen this but it really belongs somewhere on Waikiki Hockey, so we need to throw it on here.

Brian Collins was asked to fill in as a sports anchor on a student-run TV newscast when he was a freshman at Ball State University. Things didn't go very well for Brian.

His classic line "...and boom goes the dynamite" happens at about 2:25. It may be the greatest quote ever uttered in sporting history:

Collins told CBS News, is now thinking of pursuing a career as a weatherman. Seriously? I can't believe he told them that. He must like being the butt of many a joke. Other than embarrassing himself in front of 1.6 million YouTube viewers (and counting), he's parleyed his little misadventure into appearances on Letterman and numerous other sports and talk shows ... even Veronica Mars has caught Dynamite Fever.

Late Night Hockey...

We are currently working on our next installment of "Our Date with Hockeywood..." and while researching Hollywood stud Sean Avery, we came across this nugget:

We figured nobody watches MadTV so you might have missed that clip. It's has a few funny moments but is mostly fluff. Still, with the NHL's current TV deal with Versus it's news anytime hockey is on one of the national networks.

Avery is so hot right now. He's also in one of the better hockey clips of the year ... the New York Rangers appeared in a video featured on the 'Late Show with David Letterman' earlier this year. Sean Avery plays the tough guy after Chris Elliott makes out with his grandma. Very nice!

Here is where we would show you a video of either Sid the Kid or Chris Osgood and Nick Lidstrom with the Stanley Cup on 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno' but NBC doesn't want you to watch their programs and has made sure it doesn't exist anywhere on the Internet.

While it's not a late night show it is pretty bizarre .. and we love all things bizarre here at Waikiki Hockey. Ray Emery arrives at the Much Music Video Awards in a Brinks truck with two rappers and Paris Hilton. We couldn't make up that last line if we tried. Ahhhh remember when Ray Emery was good? Those were the days:

Now that Emery is going to play in Russia maybe he could get a spot on a Russian music awards show.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Everybody Loves Big Papi...

On one of our many research trips through the YouTube jungle we found a clip of David Oritz on Live!...with Regis and Kelly. It's amazing. Put Big Papi next to two dolts like Kelly and whoever the Regis filler is and Ortiz looks even cooler. Love the look on his face around 4:30 when he's talking about how crazy Jon Papelbon is. No idea why Ortiz thinks that:

Not too many athletes like Ortiz out any sport. It's hard to believe that in 2002, after hitting 20 HR in 400 AB's, the Twins gave up on him and tried to trade him. Nobody wanted him, so the Twins released him. He was almost forced to find a job in Mexico or Japan but the Red Sox signed him and he went on to hit 31, 41, 47, and 54 home runs over the next four year. Not a bad pick up.
“He appeals to every demographic,” Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein
says. “People love watching athletes who you can tell enjoy what they’re doing.
And to have a guy who comes to work every day with a smile—that’s especially
huge in our clubhouse, where we had problems in the past.” (Sports Illustrated)
Everybody love Big Papi. It's really surprising he isn't better marketed by the MLB and sponsors. At least we've got:
- A classic SportsCenter promo featuring Jorge Posada and Ortiz
- A New Era ad that doesn't actually include Ortiz but is still pretty decent
- A newish commercial featuring Ortiz and Brian Urlacher playing badminton

On the personal side of things he's got a sweet ride and he likes to cook...appartently in a Yankee Haters Hat.

But our favourite obscure Ortiz clip is of the big guy playing golf with "Neon" Deion Sanders. Seriously.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Hip Hop Hockey...

We've gotten a few complaints that Waikiki Hockey isn't urban enough. Some of our readers seem to think that we're not street enough for them. Three words should change their minds .... Hip Hop Hockey.

Many people think that if Hip Hop and Hockey were combined you would get some lame white guy rapping with a cheap hockey helmet on.

Ummm, okay ... not the best example of Hip Hop and Hockey working in harmony.

Maybe if we look at what the professionals can do. Other than the odd rap artist wearing a hockey jersey there isn't much out there.

Darkson Tribe is a hip hop group from Edmonton. One of their biggest hits is "Hockey Shuffle". Oiler Georges Laraque even helped out on the track. Go to the two minute mark in this video and see "Big G. Laraque" bust out some phat rhymes:

Impressive. But we think we can do better. Our research department pointed out that the lyrics to "Throw it Up" by Busta Rhymes contains a reference to hockey:
"I'm skatin' on blades like Sidney Crosby (That's hot)"

That one line is right after references made to Ricky Bobby and Whitney's Bobby ... so not the best of company.

We need a rapper with a little more street cred. How about Snoop Dogg with hockey legend Willie O'Ree? Not good enough for you? How about Snoop on the ice with current superstar Chris Pronger? We've saved the best for last ... Snoop getting interviewed by Scott Oake on Hockey Night in Canada:

That may be the greatest interview we have ever seen. Snoop Dogg likes hockey. Awesome. There is no way we can do better than that. Thanks to Snoop Waikiki Hockey is now officially hip. Fo Shizzle.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Bizarre Olympic Moment - Day 16

Each day of the 2008 Olympics we've found a bizarre clip or story from a past Summer Olympics. Today, in the last day of our series, we'll look at the 1960 Tunisian Modern Pentathlon Team.

We'll finish up our Bizarre Olympic Moments segment with the most obscure story on our list. One of the most unique sports at the Olympics is the Modern Pentathlon. Competitors must demonstrate their skills in five areas: shooting, swimming, fencing, horse riding and running.

"Baron Pierre de Coubertin founded the modern pentathlon believing the event would test a man's/woman's moral qualities as much as his physical resources and skills, thereby producing the ideal, complete athlete. " (From
A complete athlete needs to be an expert at fencing apparently. We won't critique the merits of the sport as we wouldn't want to offend the four or five fans of the Modern Pentathlon.

Our purpose for this post is to look at one of the worse performances of any team in history. At the 1960 Rome Olympics Tunisia sent three athletes to compete in the Pentathlon. In the individual competition they finished in 56th, 57th and 58th. Dead last. One of the Tunisians, Ahmed Ennachi, took more than 17 minutes to finish the riding portion (the next longest was 10 minutes).

Surprisingly, the Tunisians found a way lower the bar even further in the team competition.

First up was the riding portion. Things did not start out well as all three competitors fell off their horses. The team was given a historic score of zero.

The swimming was the second event that the team would need to struggle their way through. The Tunisians scored a 1,260 which is impressive when you consider that one of the team couldn't swim and almost drowned in the competition.

Third up was the shooting. The Tunisians finished with a 1,340 just a 140 points behind Germany. They may have finished ahead of Germany if one of the team wasn't removed from the competition after he almost shot an official.

Things didn't look any more hopeful for the fencing as only one of the three Tunisians knew how to fence. The team hoped nobody would notice if they sent the same team member up three times with his helmet on. Officials did notice and they were awarded a paltry 768 points (second last Great Britain had 1,700).

The final event was the cross-country run. Tunisia finished strong (well, relatively speaking) and scored their highest score of 1,758 ... we guess it's pretty hard to mess a run up. They still finished in last place, but only by 350 points.

Other than Tunisia, every country finished with a score between 10,000 and 15,000. The total score for Team Tunisia was only 5,126 marking one of the worst performance by a team in Olympic history.

Maybe if Tunisia had this guy cheering for them they could have finished in second last. Somebody needs a hobby. Aim, Aim, Shoot!

(Information for this article was taken from a great article in the Herald)

Take a look at the 16 most bizarre Olympic moments in history:

Day 1 - Eric "The Eel" Moussambani
Day 2 - Betty Robinson
Day 3 - Sally Robbins
Day 4 - Abebe Bilkila
Day 5 - 1972 USA Basketball team
Day 6 - Bobby Pearce
Day 7 - Byun Jong-il
Day 8 - Stella Walsh
Day 9 - Spanish Paralympic Basketball Team
Day 10 - Ingeborg Marx
Day 11 - Vanderlei de Lima
Day 12 - Hans-Jurgen Todt
Day 13 - Liu Changchun
Day 14 - Dorando Pietri
Day 15 - 1956 Hungarian Water Polo Team
Day 16 - 1960 Tunisian Modern Pentathlon Team

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